Be the person

So here’s the thing.

I have not historically had much in the way of a support system. I suppose I should rephrase that. I’m sure I had more of a one than I thought, and had I ever thought to actually take advantage of said presumed support system, I likely would be a very different person now.

Not sure how I feel about that, at the end of the day.

Regardless, the point I’m making is that up until very recently—and still, most of the time, if I’m being truthful—my vestigial caveman DNA is very thoroughly coded to ‘fuck you, woolly mammoth’. “'Then I will do it myself,’ said the little red hen. And she did.” I was trained up for independence early, and well. So well it can be detrimental sometimes. I don’t like to ask for help. If I can’t figure it out on my own by bombarding whatever it is with logic and research, then clearly I have failed, and anyone consulted will point that out.

Okay, it’s actually not as bad as that anymore, but holy cats it used to be. I’m still an island, but I’ve loosened up my tourism policies. Somewhat.

The point here isn’t actually so much about me as it is about…well…me. (I know, right? Could I make any less sense? Don’t make it a challenge, friends. Not if you value your sanity.) Here’s the point. A very dear friend of mine happened to pop up in my texts at 7:12 AM last Thursday. They wanted to know how best to tell if they should go to the ER or just to urgent care for an experience they were undergoing at that precise moment.

When someone texts you something like that, you don’t sit on it. You call them.

Now, before you start panicking, everything is fine. It all worked itself out in the end, no one is too much the worse for wear, and the world has continued in its orbit. The emergency is also not the point.

The point is, this very dear friend is fourteen years my junior. They are in the very early stages of for-real adulting. They are smart enough to reach out when they need something.

At that age, I would have given my left leg to have had a ‘me’. A proper grown up who isn’t a parental substitute who would take me seriously but also jump in when I was floundering and point me in the right direction or, as was the case in this instance, keep me from spiraling into a panic by distracting me until official help arrived.

This is starting to sound egotistical. I swear that’s not what I was aiming for. I guess if we distill this, what we end up with is the Golden Rule. You know, ‘do unto others…’ etc., but that's also not really the point. I guess the point is that somewhere along the line, without having had a person like that, I have managed to learn how to be a person like that. Maybe it's because of endless hours of daydreaming up a person like that for myself. Maybe it's because I'm so well-versed in the opposite.

Maybe it's because when it comes to this particular friend, I will fucking end anyone who purposefully causes them harm, and whenever they are even marginally less-than-peppy I have an undying need to improve things for them.

Sometimes all that means encouraging them to dish the dirt on your shared hobby until their mom gets to their apartment to take over.

Be the person you needed. Apparently it's easier than you think.

P.S. For the record, if their mama hadn't been available, I would have been in the car and on my way in ten seconds flat.