Oh, lumme...

Y’all already know I have some very niche tastes in media, but I don’t think we’ve covered this one yet—vintage radio shows!

When I lived in England the first time, I discovered the joy of BBC Radio 4 (and thanks to that Radio Garden app, I can get it again now!) In addition to news and drama and audio books and gardening tips and the shipping forecast, there were radio panel shows like I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue, Just A Minute, and The News Quiz. All of this was wonderful, and filled up a great deal of my leisure time. By far my favorite thing, though, was the one evening a week when they would dedicate a block of two hours or so to radio programs from the BBC archives. Programs like I’m Sorry, I’ll Read That Again, The Goon Show, Hancock’s Half Hour, and my personal favorite, The Navy Lark.

Recent events in the Suez canal brought back my appreciation of The Navy Lark with a passion. The show centers around a crew of sailors assigned to a frigate, the HMS Troutbridge, when they are at sea, and an island just beyond telescope view of Portsmouth, where the admiralty is, when they’re in port. They are the motliest of crews. The captain is always off fishing somewhere. The chief petty officer is a con man. The lieutenant just wants to exist with as little involvement from the brass as possible, the sub-lieutenant is thick as a plank, and they’re both attempting to woo the WREN on staff. Obviously this leads to hi-jinks galore. In the pilot episode, for example, there is to be an inspection from the unit’s departing commander and the new one coming in, and none of the six Jeeps that are meant to be in the island’s motor pool can be accounted for--at least, not officially. And somehow, everyone has been convinced of the benefits of the bicycle… I won’t ruin it for you, but suffice it to say that the correct number of Jeeps is never achieved. If Troutbridge had been an actual ship in the Royal Navy fleet, it would singlehandedly have cost Her Majesty a healthy chunk of change. Between forgetting to untie themselves from the jetty before sailing, running aground, and barreling bow-first into anything within a radius of 100 nautical miles, it’s a miracle the whole crew isn’t court martialed on the regular. Luckily for them, they always manage to turn their mishaps to their benefit…which is why this series was able to run on the radio for twenty-eight years. Yes, conniving Chief Petty Officer Pertwee, pompous Admiral Povey, bumbling Sub-Lieutenant Phillips, loveable-but-gullible Able Seaman Johnston, saucy WREN Heather, and all the rest of the crew had plenty of adventures in their time.

Some of you may recognize the setup of this program—does McHale’s Navy ring a bell? Well, The Navy Lark did it first.

What does this have to do with that unfortunate blockage in Suez, you ask? Remember the sub-lieutenant I described above as being ‘thick as a plank’? Well, when the crew is at sea, he is the navigator, and his instructions to whichever unfortunate person is steering the ship tend to rely heavily on ‘left hand down a bit’.

I had to make it for my own enjoyment. #SorryNotSorry

I have been looking for a way to listen to The Navy Lark in its entirety for years now. They have done some digitally remastered releases, but in collected volumes of a few assorted episodes each rather than a lovely box-set of the complete show, so I was beginning to give up hope—until last week. I have found a website with a literal treasure trove of old radio programs available to stream.

https://oldradioprograms.us/

All y’all who love a podcast? Try radio. There are hundreds of programs available on this site, including rare gems like old USO shows. History buffs, eat your hearts out! 

Besides, I need someone to get my jokes...