Part 2 of 3 — “God save my little broken body!”: An unconventional ballet dictionary and phrase guide

Know Your Schools:

• Cecchetti—The Italian school. Also the school I studied, and therefore the best school.
• Vaganova—The Russian school. ::puts on Russian accent:: “You stand in line in snow for six days to wait for pointe shoes, possibly get eaten by bear while you wait. If not eaten by bear, you get shoes and go to ballet school where you get shouted at by very scary 90-year-old prima ballerina who danced for the Czar before the Revolution—then get eaten by bear.”
• Danish—The only time this school will be mentioned is during a combination including grande jetés (‘big leaps’), at which point your instructor will shout, “Danish school! Long and low!”
• Balanchine—Just accept that this is the unconventional school. They count weird, they do weird things with their hands, their angles are extreme, and George Balanchine and Igor Stravinsky were pals so if you’re a music buff just think of Balanchine as the balletic equivalent of Stravinsky’s Symphony in E Flat Major and...yeah.
• RBS—The Royal Ballet School (of England). Mostly mentioned as being the only school that really utilizes third position as a sort of demi-fifth for young dancers, which actually isn’t a terrible idea because it allows the body to adjust in increments.
• French—Pencil moustaches and berets and cigarettes or something, I don’t know. They invented it.

Dancer’s Shorthand:

• Dancer’s shorthand involves your literal hands. Instructors use this to demonstrate exercises rather than doing them full-out which can be rather tiring if you’re doing it all afternoon. The basics are pretending your arms are your legs and your hands are your feet and marking through the combinations as they are told to you. Things like double beats are marked as sort of flicky motions, and in general the whole thing is kind of floppy—but it gets the point across.

It’s Called What?:

• Woodpecker—This is a seasonal exercise, appearing in pre-performance warm-up classes during Nutcracker and spring recital season. For the remainder of the year it migrates to other climes...I think.
• Mah-Mahs—This is a jump combination. It is always different. Pay close attention to the instructor’s shorthand because instead of actually using words they will be mumbling gibberish. It helps if you can read minds.
• Torture Rolls—Does what it says on the tin, really.

Don’t Do This:

• Popeye arms—Popeye arms are unique to when a dancer is marking through an exercise. The hands are in fists, and the arms are bent at the elbow with the fists either tucked up against the shoulders or several inches out from them--dancer’s choice. Popeye arms are also a sure-fire way to get shouted at because the Ballet Gods have deemed them to be a Bad Habit. (But we all still do it!)

Observations:

• “Your carrier pigeons aren’t flying.”—The information isn’t getting from your brain to your feet in as expedient a manner as would help you be able to do this fucking exercise correctly!

Common Corrections & Teaching Aids for Same:

• “The floor isn’t going anywhere!”—Stop looking down, or I will tape this ballpoint pen to your chest so that every time you look down it marks the underside of your chin--or stabs you, depending on how violently you look down.
• “Your [body part] isn’t where it’s supposed to be.”—This stick isn’t just for keeping time, you know.
• Swashbuckling—When the entire class screws up, your teacher will pantomime sword fighting with his or her stick in your general direction to show their frustration.
• “Hitchhiking is illegal in the state of California!”—Your thumbs are sticking out, and it looks bad. Tuck your damn thumbs, or so help me I will tape them into the correct place.
• “Fifth position!”, “Plié!”, “Spot!”, “Point your toes!” and “I can see you thinking. Stop thinking!”—All of these will be shouted at you with great regularity. Just assume that whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it wrong, and try to make the correction. Nobody ever got hurt trying extra hard for a perfect fifth position. (Except they probably did, because it’s a completely unnatural thing for your body to do.)

Goals:

• ‘Eleven Ruble’ Pirouettes—This is a reference to a scene in the 1985 film White Nights starring Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines. Hines’ character offers Baryshnikov’s character eleven rubles if he can do as many pirouettes, which, of course, he can. (Fun fact, it was supposed to be 21 rubles, but Baryshnikov dropped it to eleven because he wasn’t getting a perfect finish at 21.) For what it’s worth, I only ever got to a decent triple on my right side, so eleven is a lofty goal.
• Thirty-Two Fouettés—In Act 3 of the well-known ballet Swan Lake, in the coda of the Black Swan Pas de Deux, the prima ballerina traditionally busts out thirty-two fouettés which are possibly the most difficult turns in the ballet universe. Everyone strives for it, few manage to execute it, and even fewer manage to execute it well.