It was a shiny thing.
It was on top of another car on the road.
It was a miniature LED billboard.
“Excuse me?”
Yes, you read that correctly. There was a little light-up billboard on top of a car on the road next to me. Not even a surface street, mind you, but a four-lane freeway.
Here in the Golden State, it is illegal to use your cell phone without a hands-free device and drive at the same time. I bring this up because cell phones are another shiny thing with lights. Now, this law was put in place to help prevent distracted driving and thereby (hopefully) reduce traffic accidents etc. One would think that if five-inch screens of brightly lit information are a contributor to the distraction of motorists (and they are!), that a significantly larger screen with scrolling, lit-up information placed atop a moving vehicle would quite likely be even more of a distraction.
It’s not just me, right? If you’re driving to Grandma’s house and watching an ad for non-stick cookware on what is basically a mobile television — no matter where it’s positioned — I think it’s reasonable to assume that you’re probably not also paying attention to the road and the other cars on it.
Question time: “Who thought this was a good idea?!”
Someone in marketing, obviously. Probably Tim. That guy is a hot mess.
“Guys! Know what would be great? Light-up billboards — on top of CARS!”
Settle down, Tim. Think that idea through.
- Does it exist in a format that is new and exciting and eye-catching?
- Absolutely!
- Will it put your product in front of more people and generate interest?
- Yes, it will.
- Is it, I don’t know, safe?
- ::cricket noises::
No, Tim from marketing. No, it isn’t. On Monday, when I first encountered one of these vehicular advertising abominations, I was immediately distracted from what I was doing, which was, you know, driving, which really requires one’s full and undivided attention. It went something like this:
“What the ever-loving fuck? You’ve got to be shitting me. WHY?! Oh, crap, other cars.”
I didn’t even manage to properly see what the advertisement was for, either. I was too busy realizing that I couldn’t both look at the scrolling screen and not cause an accident at the same time. There’s flaw number one in this particular marketing campaign. It doesn’t matter how nifty your new publicity gimmick is if the people it’s targeting (motorists, apparently) can’t see what’s being marketed to them, or, in extreme cases, die before they can purchase the product because the advertisement caused them to plow headfirst into the back of the eighteen-wheeler in front of them.
Not good for publicity, Tim.
And speaking of publicity, think about all the press the marketing firms will get once their immensely distracting car-top billboards start to become the cause of auto accidents? It ain’t gonna be the good kind of press, I tell ya what… And, of course, since as a society we seem to be very fond of the concept of ‘guilt by association’, it follows that companies choosing to use this method of product pushing will receive a portion of the blame, too. Hell, they’ll probably be the first ones to have their HQ overtaken by the torch-and-pitchfork crowd...
“We will now hear opening arguments in the case of Joe Schmoe vs. CarTop Billboards, Inc.and Plumbers-r-Us.”
Litigation isn’t a good look on anyone, Tim.
I suppose I shouldn’t really be surprised at this new development in product placement. Ads are everywhere now. You can’t escape them. They’re on the sides of the roads you drive, the web pages you read, the buildings you pass, the backs of the receipts you get, the fronts of the receipts you get, in your email inbox, plastered anywhere they can think of on public transportation… I mean, ridesharing is a thing now, why not capitalize on that? Your Uber now has scrolling ads on top of it for the new sushi joint downtown, the most recent Bond film, and H&M. This Lyft ride brought to you by Taco Bell, Pier 1, and Lowes!
It might make sense to have ads on top of cars for automotive-related products and activities. Dealerships and body shops and the like, and commercials for Nascar and Formula One or whatever. ‘Follow me to your next oil change!’ ‘Free tire rotation if you come in to Wheel Works and say you saw this sign and didn’t rear-end someone while reading it.’ ‘Does your car look as shitty as this one? Consider donating it to Kars-4-Kleptomaniacs! Or don’t, because they’ll already have made off with it.’*
It might make sense, but it still doesn’t make the car top LED mini-billboard a good idea. Unless the vehicle sporting the ad is stationary at some sort of event, it’s distracting and dangerous. I would hazard to guess that if we see these start to become commonplace, we will also see restrictions slapped on them, as there have been with cell phones. Naturally, the advertising companies will search relentlessly for loopholes, but what can you expect, really? As long as the product moves off the shelves or the service is being used, they get paid. “So a few people got into fender-benders, so what? Not our problem. We just make the signs and then make them seem like a good idea. Beyond that, it’s out of our hands!” Because what really matters ultimately is the bottom line, right? Anything for a dollar. Gotta bring home the bacon — no matter the cost.
At least we’ll see an increase in job opportunities for public relations professionals and corporate lawyers.
Dammit, Tim.
*I’m starting to wonder if I missed my calling. Clearly I should have gone into copy writing...
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