Thursday, 26th March

Sorry, kids, I’m just not up to it at the moment. My anxiety is through the roof and my brain is attempting to combat it by making me want to do nothing but sleep, so my bandwidth for much of anything else is slim.

That said, I know that there are loads of people out there on the internet doing really cool things right now. Museums are doing free virtual tours. Creative people are making their work available at a discount and sometimes for free. My fabulous fourth grade teacher is doing a daily singalong video on Facebook.

I did a storytime read-aloud over the weekend, actually, but I’m wary of the Copyright Police catching wind of it if I do too many--or a book that’s too popular--so though I plan to do more of them, I’ll keep them to a minimum, or to books that are older or out of print and hope that the various authors’ estates aren’t trawling for people to shout at…

Anyway, if you go and look for it, you’ll find some really lovely stuff to help chase away the ‘the world is spinning out of control and I don’t know who to listen to any more and I’m lonely and trying really hard to keep myself and my loved ones safe but I’m scared shitless and that’s not really helpful insofar as the whole living my life thing is concerned’ wibblies I know we’re all suffering to a greater or lesser extent.

I’m just not going to be super helpful in that department this week. I’m sorry. Maybe next week, yeah?

I love you. Be safe. Stay inside.

And wash your friggin’ hands. <3

GERMS! GEEERMS!!!!!

Me: “Here are twelve reasons I can’t possibly go out and meet new people.”

My Therapist: “You really need to try. Your hypervigilance makes it difficult and nerve-wracking, I know, but it won’t get any better unless you, you know, leave the house.”

Me: “But—”

Coronavirus: “Shh, I gotchu, Boo.”

Well, we already knew that the world was a garbage fire, but now it’s a garbage fire with germs! Yes, okay the germs were already there, but now we’ve got Attack Germs. Joy of joys.

My The Emperor’s New Groove “No touchy!” hoodie is going to be getting a workout for the foreseeable future, that’s for sure.

 

Really, though. Three weeks of enforced ‘social distancing’? It’s an introvert’s wet dream! And guess which introvert doesn’t get to take part? That’s right, this one. I have never felt more left out of being left out in my life. Think of all the coloring I could be doing! All the terrible short fiction I could be writing! ALL THE UNCLUTTERING I COULD BE FUSSING OVER! But, alas, I work in an ‘essential’ field, and while I appreciate the fact that my function makes it possible for others to access their hard-earned cash, the selfish part of my soul just wants to stay home and make art.

Oh well. Needs must, and all that. My already-negligible commute has been cut in half. It’s amazing how much more time it feels like you have in your life when a fifteen minute task gets cut down to eight. It’s also amazing how people can manage to drive even more assholishly when there are far fewer people on the road and it’s not like anyone is really in their way WTF, KAREN, YOU’LL GET THERE WHEN YOU GET THERE, RE-FUCKING-LAX.

It’s really very strange leaving the house when most everyone else is staying behind. I didn’t really realize just how much noise from the freeway (approximately three tenths of a mile away) I was actually experiencing until I was standing next to my car this morning and noticed the quiet. Obviously there was still some road noise, but there was significantly less of it than there usually is.

Something I find baffling is the number of businesses that are considered ‘essential’. Banking and financial establishments, yes, okay, and payroll companies (like mine) along with them, because nobody is shutting down the economy, it’s just...on a diet for a while? Grocery stores, and at least in California, restaurants for delivery and take-out only, because people need access to food. Laundromats, because cleanliness is part of staying healthy. Medical facilities because DUH. But the place where you go to to get a smog test done? That one seems weird to me. Automotive businesses seem to be on the ‘essential’ list, though. I’m not sure if it’s limited to places that do repairs and service, though I passed a Carmax on the way home and the building was dark, so perhaps that is the case. Service centers only at the dealerships that have them or something. Autobody shops, Jiffy Lube, tire stores...and smog test centers.

Funny story about smog test centers, actually. I was putting the last of my scavenged groceries in the car on Monday evening in preparation for all of this nonsense when it occurred to me that my car registration was due the day after the shelter-in-place order lifts--and it’s a smog test year. In a flurry of efficient adulting I whipped out my phone, found a smog test place that was still open (not an easy task at 5 PM), and got a 6 PM appointment.

::mic drop::

All before their 7 PM closing time and the 12:01 start time of the shelter-in-place order. I’m still impressed with myself.

Public Places and Weird Landscaping and GERMS

I am at the library!

I like libraries in general, and they are an exceedingly important part of the community. They serve the whole of the community--not just certain subsets. Of course, there are subsets less likely to use a library, but they still could if they wanted to, you know?

I’m sitting in non-fiction because it’s quiet. I have a corner and a squooshy chair and a window and an hour on the parking meter. I’m here because I have an hour and a bit to kill between the end of my workday and the start of my first dance class of the evening, and I’d rather shell out a dollar on parking than five for the privilege of sitting in a Starbucks.

Also, it’s quieter here.

Also also, I can see down into the backyard of the neighboring house, and they have a spectacular bloom of sludge on their rectangular pond, an obelisk, and a GIANT FORK resting against a tree. Their dog is sitting on a bench like he thinks he’s people. There may also be a giant spoon on the ground next to the fork, but it’s difficult to tell from here if it’s that or a giant butter knife.

I have no idea who lives at this house, but I want to be their friend.

Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s a spoon.

Part of me really wants to peruse the stacks and find new and interesting books to check out. The other part of me is remembering the completely out-of-control ‘to-read’ pile I already have at home. Oh well. It’s probably better that I’m camped out in non-fiction, really, because I’m far less likely to see anything that appeals...though that book over there on the bottom shelf about the Galapagos looks like it would have really good illustrations--NO! STEP AWAY FROM THE READING MATERIAL! You’d do better to pick up the Russian/English dictionary and actually try to learn something rather than just ogling pretty pictures of birds…

I wonder if it’s usually busier here at half past five on a Monday? Is everyone at home trying to outsmart the latest noteworthy illness? I read a good one about that today, actually, from John Moe, host of the podcast The Hilarious World of Depression.



It’s not as though I’m brushing this whole epidemic/pandemic/armageddon thing off, but I don’t remember everyone getting quite this hysterical about the last however many big flu-type germs that went around. Maybe I’m not remembering correctly? Either way, JUST WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS. WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY. Protect the more vulnerable by using good judgement and basic hygiene.

DON’T LICK STRANGERS.

You can lick people you know all you want. You more or less know where they’ve been.

Just some random thoughts, really

We’re doing a step challenge during the month of March at my office. We’re on little teams. They’re so little, it’s really just partners. Two of us against a whole bunch of other twos. The challenge isn’t compulsory, but I thought I might as well do it because it’ll get me off my ever-expanding rear end and moving around for a change. I get the feeling I’m going to be hopping from one leg to the other while waiting for my coffee for the foreseeable future to get my step count up… I did ascertain last Sunday morning that walking around my ‘block’ is 1.46 miles, so that’s not nothing.

It’s not much, but it’s not nothing.

Also, since dance steps are technically steps (I mean, it’s in the name), I intend to strap my phone to my arm and jeté and shuffle off to Buffalo and watch the numbers rise.

Oh, hello. That’s a segue.

In other active news, my Wednesday ballet class is sadly no more. I was the only person who showed up religiously, and it was rare that more than one or two others showed up at all, so I certainly understand why it doesn’t make sense to keep the class going, business-wise. Also, our instructor got poached by the advanced teen class on Thursday (in the nicest way possible, really), and I don’t blame her one bit for jumping ship to go and teach them instead. And before you suggest it, no, she can’t do both--not with a ‘for real’ job and two kiddiewinks of her own, no. I actually have a personal invitation from the director of the studio to join the Thursday class, but I’m on the fence about it. It’s the 15-18 set, and it’s not as though I think they’ll be horrible little bleeders--far from it. I’ve met or at least observed all of them in one way or another and I know they’re a very sweet group. I just remember how shitty it was to be that age and dancing, and how any time a grownup showed up at one of our classes we were all appropriately polite but secretly wished they would just go away. Mind you, the adults who showed up to our classes weren’t usually particularly skilled dancers, and I don’t fall into that category--I could keep up with the teenage contingent just fine, and in a couple of instances I know my technique is actually superior--but it’s their class, you know? I’d be intruding on their territory. I don’t want to be that person.

I’ve researched alternatives, so I know what else is available to me to take in lieu of my original class, so that’s something, at least. There’s another dance school one town over where I’ve taken classes before, so I checked their schedule and did a few test classes this week--a tap class and two ballet classes. They’re likely my best bet for ballet. I don’t have to take their tap class because the Thursday tap class I have been taking is still very much on the schedule, but it’s always good for your technique to be exposed to different styles, so an additional tap class would definitely be good for me in that way, and also for my waistline.

We won’t talk about the effect on my wallet from a possible two additional dance classes per week. Shh, let me lie to myself.

There’s another thing about the dance studio I’m likely going to shift some of my classes to that I’ve always silently appreciated. They have moved since I last took classes with them and are in a brand new building in a space above a Men’s Warehouse (“I guarantee it!”). Their old location was also above a storefront. This kind of setup would be par for the course in larger cities like San Francisco or New York, but I live in Quintessential Suburbia. We go out, not up. So it’s an unusual place to go for dancing lessons to begin with, but the real point here is that the studio is upstairs.

A ballet school. Upstairs.

The musical theatre buffs have caught on by now, I know, but for the rest of you, I shall elucidate. There is a very famous musical called A Chorus Line that ran on Broadway from 1975 to 1990--at that time, it was the longest running show in Broadway history. There is a song in the show called At The Ballet which is sung by three of the female cast members as they tell their stories of how they got into dance, and all of them started with ballet. One of the lyrics from the song is:

Up a steep and very narrow stairway
To a voice like a metronome
Up a steep and very narrow stairway
It wasn’t paradise
     It wasn’t paradise
          It wasn’t paradise
But it was home

I always had a hard time deciding which of the three characters who sing this song I most identify with, because there’s a little of me in all of them, but since it’s unlikely that I’ll ever be in a production of this show, I’ll simply be content to hum this song to myself every time I ascend that steep and very narrow stairway.

Original Broadway Cast recording: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USZipy6VzgA Just for fun. :)